Healthy Boundaries with Children - without using Rewards and Punishments
Josette Luvmour, PhD
Children naturally yearn for appropriate boundaries—is this shock? The fact is that many parents and children have power struggles developing boundaries. These struggles often become the field in which rewards and punishments are used. Parents and teachers often justify using rewards or punishments with the fact that the task has been accomplished—even though these methods go against our better judgment. It doesn’t have to be this way. Boundary creation can be a moment of mutual learning and satisfaction for both parent and child.
From birth to eight, the child organizes their world to develop their sense of rightful place—to know they are loved, wanted, and belong in their body and with their family. For the child, this is a birthright which fully validates existence. The child is then well-bonded and belongs here. This naturally stimulates a search in the environment for anyone who supports safe and secure exploration. As the child is assured of belonging, she is free to accomplish the developmental task of finding out exactly how this body works in her world. Young children organize their world to fully inhabit their sense rightful place.
Come attend a talk by Dr. Josette Luvmour on July 25th, 2009 @ 12 noon on Healthy Boundaries with Children: Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in families.
During this talk you will:
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Discover how to use the creation of healthy boundaries to enrich your relationship with your child
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Learn the most common misconception about boundaries with young children and how to replace it with a deeper understanding
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Create loving and appropriate boundaries for children below 8
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Learn the underlying motivation for the behavior of children 8 to 12
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Gain teen cooperation when you learn how to co-create limits with teens
During this talk we will also discuss:
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Effective communication with children at each age
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The tools by which the child maps his or her world
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How to stay connected with the child during tantrums (if they occur)
At Luvmour Consulting, we have been working with families and children for over 20 years. Our observations have led to an understanding of the nature of how children map their world. We have discovered that mapping their world is a delightful game for children as they explore the edge of the boundary. This exploration is not a test of wills and it is not personal. It is an exploration.
Adults must only set those boundaries that have to be set and be clear. Rewards and punishments (R & P) destroy this natural co-evolution between you and your child. Most of us can recall feelings of blame and shame as we learned how to avoid the punishments thrust upon us. Like our own children, we quickly learned to perform tasks only for a reward. Perhaps worst of all is that we (the parents) lose the opportunity to grow with our children. For when we learn to create healthy boundaries with our children our own capacity to create appropriate boundaries with others grows. Come join me on July 25 and learn positive ways to support healthy boundaries in children and the benefits for adults.
